I felt awful about using Great Grandpa's old Monk robes, but people shouldn't be able to see it was me who was still grieving. After my best friend was in that terrible car crash two years ago, I've felt truly alone. I just wanted a silent moment to remember her. Alice was great, honest and inspiring. She traveled all around the world helping the communities in need and making children smile. When she went to heaven, we put a plaque on the tree they crashed near. Glimmering Iceland was her true home, and I always will be, her one true companion.
Hello Neonorange,
ReplyDeleteWhat an interesting use of the prompt photo. You have included some great vocabulary to help paint a picture in your reader's mind e.g. 'grieving', 'inspiring', and 'companion'. I appreciate how you have included a variety of sentence lengths, as this was part of today’s lesson. Consider adding one or two short, choppy sentences to add emphasis. Keep on writing and improving.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Van
Hi Neonorange,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing your writing with us. You definitely made a very emotional connection with the reader as you described this character's feelings after the death of her/his friend. I especially like the part where you wrote, 'I just wanted a silent moment to remember her.' You captured that moment where someone grieving just needs to be able to be quiet with their memories.
Keep up the great writing.
Ms McKenzie (Team 100WC, Christchurch, New Zealand)